THE BEST FRIEND MAN HAS IN THE WORLD 
Senator Vest, speaking to a jury about Old Drum, shot in 1869 

The best friend man has in the world may turn against him and become his enemy. His son, or daughter, that he has reared with loving care may prove ungrateful. Those who are nearest and dearest to us, those whom we trust with our happiness and good name may become traitors to their faith. The money a man has he may lose. It flies away from him, perhaps when he needs it most. A man's reputation may be sacrificed in a moment of ill-considered action. The people who are prone to fall on their knees when success is with us may be the first to throw the stone of malice when failure settles its cloud upon our head. 

The one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog. A man's dog stands by him in prosperity and poverty, in health and in sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground when the wintry winds blow and the snow drives fiercely, if only to be near his master's side. He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer, he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounters with the roughness of the world. He guards the sleep of his pauper master as if he were a prince. When all other friends desert, he remains. When riches take wing, and reputation falls to pieces, he is as constant in his love as the sun in its journey through the heavens. 

If fortune drives his master forth, an outcast in the world, friendless and homeless, the faithful dog asks no higher privilege than that of accompanying him, to guard him against danger, to fight against his enemies. And when that last scene of all comes, and death takes his master in its embrace and his body is laid away in the cold ground, no matter if all other friends pursue their way, there, by the graveside will the noble dog be found, his head between his paws, his eyes sad, but open in alert watchfulness, faithful and true, even in death. 

For those who do or have done rescue...
whether it was one or a hundred

Rescue Prayer

Now I lay me down to rest.
I pray my soul can stand this test.
Of watching critters lose their homes,
while owners gripe and cry and moan

I pray they'll find a home again.
Where they will know a loving heart.
I can't do much, but its a start...
And spare me from the owner's pleas
about the baby's allergies
Or how they're moving out of state.
Or spitefulness between cat and mate.
Please keep me sane while dealing with
the woman who bought as a gift...
...a wriggling tiny ball of fluff
that now is playing way too rough!
Remind me I should bite my lip
when confronted with "he grew too quick".
"I didn't know he'd get so large".
He seems to think that he's in charge"
Protect my heart when I hear them say "
I think we'll breed our dog one day".
Sometimes I think it'll break in two.
Each day brings trials harsh and new.
And if I die before I wake
I pray one hopeless soul you'll take.
My tears are gone, my faith is bare...
Lord, please hear my rescue prayer
Author Unknown

** DOGGY DICTIONARY **

• SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog s rear end and inhale deeply,
  repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop.

• GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

• BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

• DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the
  person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

• THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

• WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrapper. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the
  papers all over the house until your person comes home.

• SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.

• BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

• LEAN: Every good dogs response to the command "sit !", especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before
  black-tie events.

• BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

• GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require.....especially effective when combined with The Sniff. See above.

• DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the
  drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

• DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

• LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

• LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.

A Dogs' Soul

Every dog must have a soul somewhere deep inside...
Where all his hurts and grievances are
buried with his pride.
Where he decides the good and bad;
the wrong way from the right.
And where his judgment carefully
is hidden from our sight.
A dog must have a secret place
where every thought abides.
A sort of close acquaintance that
he trusts in and confides.
And when accused unjustly for himself,
he cannot speak.
Rebuked, he finds within his soul
the comfort he must seek.
He will love, though he is unloved.
 And he will serve though badly used.
And one kind word will wipe away
the times when he's abused.
Although  his heart may break in two
 his love will still be whole.
Because God gave to every dog
an understanding Soul!

Author Unknown

Warning - Highly Contagious New Disease!!

CHIP FEVER
(Dogus Addictus)

SYMPTOMS:

Obsessive focus on all things related to dogs - seeing dog shapes in clouds and inkblots, finding dog references in unrelated conversations, pointing out other people's ability to own more dogs, going out of one's way to
talk to other dog owners and to look at dog-related items. Narcolepsia manifesting itself through repetitive dreaming of dogs and all things related to dogs, and through inability to sleep without being pinned down by warm fuzzy object.
Symptoms may prevent patient from being productive at work, and from functioning socially. This illness is also highly contagious, and can be contracted via e-mail.

TREATMENT:

Addition of new dog is often a successful treatment. Although some cases have needed repeat treatments up to eight or nine dogs. Saturation point is unknown, although overdosage is very feasible. If addition of new dog is not possible, patient should be distracted and kept busy. Acquisition of other items can temporarily soothe the need for a purchase, but patients must beware of shopping in areas containing dog-related items. If patient should see such a section of a store, the illness may become more severe. Patient should also avoid other people with Chip Fever as they tend to
exacerbate the illness. Those who have successfully overcome this illness should encourage caution and patience, as the patients are highly impulsive. Fostering should not be considered a serious alternative as it often results in addition of a dog. Fostering should be considered more as a treatment for Spouseus Uncooperativeus.

MEDICAL SUGGESTION:

While this disease has been known to exist throughout human history, it has spread exponentially in the last few years. The increase in computer e-mail has corresponded with the rise in contagion, and is strongly suspected of being a new, serious means of communicating the disease. Those people on canine related e-mail lists should be forewarned of the
possible risks of contracting the disease, and new methods of resisting contraction of the disease should be found.

Peaches' Christmas Rat: The things we do for our dogs 
-- By Dave Donahue --

About four months ago, I found a dead rat in the bottom of one of my trash cans. Having never experienced anything of this nature since we moved out of the city eight years ago, I passed it off as nature's attempt at random distribution of life species. In other words I thought it a fluke. I was sure however that the rat had died from a heart attack. I had watch my two Chows, Pantu and Peaches sit and stare at the trash can for about one hour before I decided it warranted my attention.

Upon further reflection I realized (being a properly raised city boy) that rats rarely travel alone, but I was also unsure where or how they lived in a suburban environment. Apparently they live well, especially in wood sheds. I really knew I had a problem when both dogs would start barking furiously about 30 minutes after the yard light went out at bedtime each night. One night I waited with the two buggers and when they suddenly jumped up from a near comatose position, I also jumped up from a similar mode and threw on the light. How they even saw this thing in the back part of the yard while half asleep I don't know, but there it was, another rat!

Off to the hardware store for traps, no poison for obvious reasons, but also no success. Each night the dogs would bark and we would worry. Finally, on one trip to the trash cans, now moved by wifely edict to the far side of the yard, I dropped a bag into the can and from behind the can leapt a rat! Before I could blink both dogs were hot on the trail. Now I know some dogs are bred for this, but I didn't think it was one of the Chows more admirable traits—but boy were they good. I also confess I didn't know who had the advantage, the Chows or the rat, and I was unsure if I even wanted them chasing a live thing, however reprehensible. But after the excitement of the hunt I have to admit I was impressed with their speed and agility, yes even Chowish agility.

Now I always thought Peaches would be the one to catch something. She's a very poor specimen of a Chow, having very long legs, a non-existent cream mane, and a muscular body that would make Madonna jealous. Pantu, on the other hand is very laid back and hard to excite. But it was Pantu that ran down the rat and killed it. Thank heavens for obedience work, because on command he returned to a perfect front sit and dropped the rat at my feet. Peaches seemed so proud of him, she cleaned his face at least 10 times that night. Of course, that's anthropomorphism on my part; I really believe she was looking for left over rat hairs to lick. Ugh!

And then the problem developed. From the moment the rat leapt out, and every day since, Peaches has made a pilgrimage to the trash cans as soon as the door is opened. Doesn't matter what the weather is like or how bad her bladder is swollen, she heads right for the cans in hope that she'll catch her own rat.

Now, normally this would have occurred fairly quick considering how fast rats reproduce, but to Peaches great misfortune we were visited shortly thereafter by a large owl. We never saw the owl, but we heard him hoot, we heard the rustle of leaves and we heard his wings, which sounded like slow helicopter rotors. Wop... Wop... Wop...Wop, Wop, Wop as he took off. By the time he left he cleaned out the entire rodent population. Now Peach would never get a rat. So . . .

On Christmas morning, I sneaked Peaches present into the garage for "wrapping". Out of the pet store bag (cat section purchase) I pulled a life size fuzzy rat. It looked real! I tied 30 feet of monofilament fishing line through the nose of the fake rat and then tied the other end around a training dumbbell. I sneaked out the garage and around to the yard, in bitter cold, and planted the rat in the trash can lying on it's side in the snow. I piled loose leaves all around the rat and stretched the fishing line across the yard. (The things we do for our dogs!)

On cue, Peaches was let into the yard and went right for the cans. Pantu was drifting away to the back part of the yard when I pulled the fishing line and the rat jumped out right in front of Peaches. She froze—when the big moment came, she choked—and in the split second it took her to realize this was her big chance, Pantu flashed by like a linebacker heading for a quarterback, body slammed Peaches out of the way and nailed the fake rat. Peaches looked devastated, Pantu looked thrilled, and Patti and I looked at each other and wondered what do you do when one child steals the other's most treasured Christmas present. Peaches seems depressed, but she still goes to the trash, maybe hoping that one last Christmas rat might still be found.

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All text copyright 1995 Canis Major Publications. Permission to reprint free of charge is available.

How to Photograph Your Puppy

DOGAHOLICS ANONYMOUS

Good Evening. My name is Doris and I AM a Dogaholic. I would like to welcome all of you to this month's meeting of "Dogaholics Anonymous". Some of you are here tonight because a friend or relative brought you here. You may be sitting here thinking that you are OK and that you really don't need any help. It is not easy to admit that you are a
Dogaholic and it is even harder to bring yourself to a DA meeting for help. DA is here to assist you. I have some questions to ask. if you can answer YES to more than three of the following, you have come to the right place.

• Can you say "Bitch" in public without blushing?

• Do you drive a station wagon, van or 4x4 when everyone else drives a real car?

• Do you have more than one car? One for you and one for the dogs?

• Do you spend your vacations and holidays going to shows, specialties and seminars when everyone else goes on  a cruise? If you do go overseas, is it to London in March to attend Crufts?

• Do you discuss things at the dinner table that would make most doctors leave in disgust?

• Do you consider formal wear to be clean jeans and freshly washed tennis shoes?

• Is your interior decorator R.C. Steele?

• Was your furniture and carpeting chosen to match your dogs?

• Are your end tables really dog crates with tablecloths thrown over them?

• Do you know the meaning of CD, CDX, UD, CGC, HIC, WC, JH, MH, CH, and OTCH?

• Is your mail made up primarily of dog catalogs, dog magazines and premium lists?

• Do you get up before dawn to go to Training Classes? Dog Shows? Seminars?

• If you do have dresses, do they all have pockets? Do those pockets often contain freeze dried liver, Rollover or squeaky toys?

• When you meet a new person do you always ask them what kind of dog they have and pity them if they don't have one?

• Do you remember the name of their dog sooner than you remember their name?

• Do you find non-dog people boring?
  
  If you answered YES to one of the above, there is still hope. If you answered YES to two, you are in serious trouble. If you answered YES to three or more, you have come to the right place. My advice to all of you with three or more YES's is to sit back and smile, turn to the smiling person next to you and know that your life will always be filled with good friends and good dogs and it will never be boring.